Tom
>Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 09:09:41 -0500
>From: Jeff Ishee <farmsted@cfw.com>
>Organization: Bittersweet Farmstead
>To: sanet-mg@shasta.ces.ncsu.edu
>CC: nyej@vt.edu
>Subject: 2002 parody
>Sender: owner-sanet-mg@ces.ncsu.edu
>
>Dear Friends,
>
>The following news article is a pure parody, intended to shed a bit of
>humor on the hilarious situation regarding federal organic certification
>efforts.
>
>Jeff Ishee
>Bittersweet Farmstead
>
>****************************
>
>USDA unveils certification requirements on food adjectives
>
>WASHINGTON (June 3, 2002) - Just what makes a bean "green", or rice
>"wild" or vanilla ice cream "french"? For the first time, the government
>began answering that question by proposing rules Monday to help
>consumers get the foods they think they're getting.
>
>"The rules are going to clear up the confusion that sometimes exists in
>the minds of consumers, processors and merchandisers," said one official
>of the USDA. "For years now, we've heard rumors in the industry that
>some vegetable processors have been selling 'green' beans, when in
>reality, the product they were merchandising was olive-colored or
>lime-tinted. Some unscrupulous operators were were even selling cull wax
>beans with green food coloring added. The UURGF (United Uncultivated
>Rice Gatherers Federation) has also been courting our department to
>certify 'wild' rice as only that rice which, indeed was harvested from
>wildlands. And we all know that French citizens have unintentionally
>been offended by the USDA's allowance for certain ice creams to be
>labeled 'French Vanilla' when the product has nothing to do with France
>whatsoever."
>
>"These adjectives have no place in our system of food production unless
>they are certified by the government," said Peter A. Rabbit, president
>of the UCBFP (United Council of Bigtime Food Producers). "The public
>should say no to them, too."
>
>Yet, because there are currently no national rules, consumers could
>never be certain that products with certain adjectives on the label are
>actually genuine. Examples include: "sweet" corn, "snow" peas, "baking"
>potatoes, and "sour" cherries.
>
>The Secretary of Agriculture said "We are proposing certification
>requirements that will guarantee the following:
> 1) When a consumer buys a can of "green" beans, he can be sure that the
>beans will be a certain natural color of green, and the color will be
>uniform year after year.
> 2) When a U.S. citizen purchases "wild" rice, they will be assured that
>the rice was not grown by conventional methods, but that, indeed, the
>rice was gathered from "wildlands" and not commercial farms.
> 3) When you buy a carton of "French vanilla" ice cream, you can be
>certain that the beans that produced the vanilla were harvested in
>France by French farmers, and that the dairy personnel who processed the
>ice cream were speaking the French language as they mixed the French
>ingredients.
>
> Officals were uncertain how they would apply the certification
>requirements to the varieties of ice cream known as "rocky road" and
>"tin roof sundae."
>
> The secretary continued "We don't know how long this certification
>proposal will take, nor do we know how much additional funding will be
>requested from congress, but our goal is to have the new certification
>requirements in place by 2008. We've had a staff of 74 scientists and
>linguists working on this proposal for three years and they have done a
>wonderful job. I want to assure farmers that this is a step forward for
>agriculture, and will not affect the profitability of their operations
>whatsoever. The cost to have 'green' bean, 'Wild' rice and 'French
>vanilla' inspectors visit their farming operation for certification will
>be minimal. We all want this to be as painless as possible for our
>agricultural community and we hope this will help small farmers continue
>to build a niche for themselves."
>
> For a copy of the 433-page certification proposal on food adjectives,
>visit the following website: http://www.howdidwegettothispoint.com/
>
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>
==========================================
Thomas R. Johnson
Graduate Student
Department of Resource Development
Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI 48824-1222
517-353-9501 (W) 517-371-3059 (H)
FAX: 517-353-8994
johns632@pilot.msu.edu
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