(Fwd) cows & govt
Rick Welsh (rwelsh@gaes.griffin.peachnet.edu)
Tue, 24 Feb 1998 11:08:35 -0500
>>COWS & GOVERNMENT
>>
>> FEUDALISM : You have two cows. Your lord takes
>>some of the milk.
>>
>> PURE SOCIALISM : You have two cows. The
>>government takes them and
>> puts them
>> in a barn with everyone else's
>>cows. You have to take care of all the
>> cows.
>> The government gives you
>>as much milk as you need.
>>
>> BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM : You have two
>>cows. The government takes
>> them and
>> puts them in a barn with
>>everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
>> ex-
>> chicken farmers. You
>>have to take care of the chickens the
>> government took
>> from the
>>chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
>> as many
>>
>>eggs as the regulations say you should need.
>>
>> FASCISM : You have
>>two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
>> take
>> care of them,
>>and sells you the milk.
>>
>> PURE COMMUNISM : You have two cows. Your
>>neighbors help you take
>> care of
>> them, and you all share the milk.
>>
>>
>> RUSSIAN COMMUNISM : You have two cows. You have to take care of
>>
>>them, but
>> the government takes all the milk.
>>
>> DICTATORSHIP : You
>>have two cows. The government takes both and
>> shoots you.
>>
>>
>>SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY : You have two cows. The government fines you
>>
>>for
>> keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
>>
>>
>>MILITARISM : You have two cows. The government takes both of them
>> and
>>
>>drafts you.
>>
>> PURE DEMOCRACY : You have two cows. Your neighbors
>>decide who gets
>> the
>> milk.
>>
>> REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY : You have
>>two cows. Your neighbors pick
>> someone
>> to tell you who gets the
>>milk.
>>
>> AMERICAN DEMOCRACY : The government promises to give you two
>>cows if
>> you
>> vote for it. After the election, the president is
>>impeached for
>> speculatingin cow futures. The press dubs the affair
>>"Cowgate".
>>
>> BRITISH DEMOCRACY : You have two cows. You feed them
>>sheeps' brains
>> and
>> they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
>>
>>
>> BUREAUCRACY : You have two cows. At first the government regulates
>>
>>what you
>> can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not
>>to milk
>> them.
>> After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
>>and pours the
>> milk down
>> the drain. Then it asks you to fill out forms
>>to account for the
>> missing
>> cow.
>>
>> ANARCHY : You have two cows.
>>Either you sell the milk at a fair
>> price or
>> your neighbors try to kill
>>you and take the cows.
>>
>> CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell
>>one and buy a bull.
>>
>> HONG KONG CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You
>>sell three of them to
>> your
>> publicly listed company, using letters of
>>credit opened by your
>> brother-in-
>> law at the bank, then execute a
>>debt/equity swap with associated
>> general
>> offer so that you get all
>>four cows back, with a tax deduction for
>> keeping
>> five cows. The milk
>>rights of six cows are transferred via a
>> Panamanian
>> intermediary to a
>>Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
>> majority
>> shareholder,
>>
>>who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed
>> company.
>>The
>> annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an
>>option
>> on one
>> more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung
>>shui is bad.
>>
>> ENVIRONMENTALISM : You have two cows. The government
>>bans you from
>> milking
>> or killing them.
>>
>> TOTALITARIANISM : You
>>have two cows. The government takes them and
>> denies
>> they ever
>>existed. Milk is banned.
>>
>> POLITICAL CORRECTNESS : You are
>>associated with (the concept of
>> "ownership"
>> is a symbol of the
>>phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two
>> differently-aged (but
>>no less valuable to society) bovines of
>> non-specified
>> gender.
>>
>>
>>COUNTER CULTURE : Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
>> You
>>got
>> to have some of this milk.
>>
>> SURREALISM : You have two
>>giraffes. The government forces you to
>> take
>> harmonica lessons.
To Unsubscribe: Email majordomo@ces.ncsu.edu with "unsubscribe sanet-mg".
To Subscribe to Digest: Email majordomo@ces.ncsu.edu with the command
"subscribe sanet-mg-digest".