>A little humor.
>------------------------------ Forwarded Message
>November 18, 1997 16:46
>To: Everyone in group UNKNOWN IVM1
>--------- Begin forwarded message ----------
>"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
>world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
>but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
> -- Mariah Carey.
>Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I
>would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
>we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we
>cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
> -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest: (so do you
> think she won with an answer like that???)
>"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
>reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered
>other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
> -- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22.
>"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
> -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations
> that he failed to pay his taxes.
>"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
> -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson
> for a federal anti-smoking campaign (she and Miss Alabama
> should go shopping)
>"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
> -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
>"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
>in the country."
> -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C. Great place to live,
>"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be
>discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you
>expired on January 1, 1976."
> -- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
>"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this
>century's history.... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in
>this 20th century."
> -- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican
> vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in
> which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust
>"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
> -- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
>"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make
> -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
>"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are
> -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank,
> explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World
>"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
>the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
>David Steele to the post."
> -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington,
> Rhode Island
>"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
> -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the
> head by a ball in the
> 1934 World Series
>The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city
> Illiterate? Write today for free help.
> Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us
> once, you'll never go anywhere again.
> Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced
> yard, meals, and smacks included.
> Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
> Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing
> to travel.
> Stock up and save. Limit: one.
> Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
> 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience
> Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round
> bottom for efficient beating.
> Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
> illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
> Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
> Children $2.00
> For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick
> legs and large drawers.
> Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an
> extra pair to take home, too.
> We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
> carefully by hand.
> For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
> Great Dames for sale.
> Have several very old dresses from grandmother in
> beautiful condition.
> Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
> Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
> Toaster: A gift that every member of the family
> appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
> For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
> Man, honest. Will take anything.
> Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here
> Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find
> Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
> Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or
> Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
> Wanted. Widower with school age children requires
> person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be
> capable of contributing to growth of family.
> And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in
> variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
> We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in
> your home for $1.00.
>--------- End forwarded message ----------
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>------------------------- End of forwarded message(s)
Cissy Bowman, Organic Farmers Marketing Association Telecommunications Office
8364 S SR 39
Clayton, IN 46118
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